22 ounces

Yesterday Luci downed 22 ounces of food. At least we have been measuring in ounces for a couple of months = HUGE milestone for a preemie. My husband Clark thinks we messed up on the recording but if we did then she'd still be at 2o ounces for her total yesterday.

I was watching Disney's Narnia version of The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe yesterday when the older brother called out for his sister Luci. My little Luci turned her head all around trying to figure out who called for her. That means no hearing problems for our little preemie. Some preemies have vision and hearing problems because of the oxygen used to help them when they're so tiny. We went to the audiologist last week and he claimed that she responded better than 90% of babies her age but I didn't really agree with him til Luci recognized her name being called out.

We get her eyes checked in a week and I'm expecting everything to be ok. She lights up whenever she recognizes any of her family and she has a special smile for her older brother Alex. Alex likes to pester all of his younger siblings. Maybe because he's the oldest. Whenever Alex is bothering anyone else in the family I tell him to go and bug the sister who likes him to bug her = Luci.

Luci Pictures

I need to take more pictures of Luci today. Then post them. She really is doing well. The only trouble she's having is eating. If she doesn't eat at least sixteen ounces a day we have to put a feeding tube down her, but with her medication for reflux she's doing MUCH better!

God Bless the NICU babies

I just received this quote from my NICU buddy Holly Downs. She and her husband Dave sat next to us for weeks in the NICU with their little blessing Samuel. Just like many NICU parents their struggles are not over and it seems that the end of their journey is not over. A shout out to Holly and Dave that I love you guys!

"I gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience

in which I must stop and look fear in the face...I say to myself,

I've lived through this and can take the next thing that comes along."

- Eleanor Roosevelt

Doggie babies

A little while ago I was going through some titanic waves of depression when a couple of my real babies were due. Maybe something about how the miscarriages went, or having a heart beat one week then losing it the next were just to monumental for me to handle.

I was actually in the middle of one of the most difficult years of teaching I've been through yet and it seemed like I wasn't going to be able to keep things together.

Around Christmas time of that particular year I told my husband that he needed to drop me off at the University of Utah Psych ward, and I was serious.

Clark came up with an even better way to help me. He came home the month one baby was due and gave me a little Maltese puppy. I'd wanted a female and he was only able to find a male, so the female came later. The two dog's real birthdays actually align with the due dates of two of our lost babies and Linus came to us during the time another baby had been due.

These two doggies pulled me out of my dark abyss and gave me hope. The male still likes to be held like a baby and rocked and he will follow me around until I step on him. When I was sick during my last pregnancy the two would sit outside my door and wait until they could come onto my bed and comfort me.

I swear by the loyalty of the Maltese dog breed and I love my two little doggie babies, Linus and Mia.

The pictures don't do the two sweethearts justice because they look too scared. My six year old, Sterling is holding them in one shot.

Luci's Poem

I've helped my classroom students write and perform an opera for the past two years. This year we won't be able to participate, but you can find all of the information on this great program at, http://www.operabychildren.org/

One of my Opera by Children mentors sent me a poem when she saw a picture of my little Luci. Below is the poem written by Pamela Gee of the Utah Festival Opera Company, and I"m including the picture that inspired the poem. I still can't read the entire poem without crying.

Dear Luci, What an example of faith. May I be like you day by day I pray.

I want to come to Earth,

Gain a body of great worth.

I know the challenges I will face

When I leave my heavenly home

Too soon and much too small.

But I will give my life my all.

To learn to live,

To suck, to breath,

To feel a family’s touch.

To learn these things,

To live these things,

Nothing I give is too much.

You can see it in my eyes

The determination,

The will, the grit.

For I am a child of God in spirit

Now of body bone and flesh.

I know how to live and love

And what I must accomplish.

~Pamela Gee

Baby Peanut

My fifth child was due September 15th, 2008. She came June 20th, 2008, 13 weeks early, 27 weeks gestation. She weighed in at just 1 lb. 12 oz. I use to think that it was incredible to hear of babies that survived who were born so early. Now that I've watch my daughter live through this experience it is nothing short of miraculous.

I still can't believe that she and I are still here today and we're both still in the midst of our journey. Here's a picture of my little baby peanut, Luciana (Luci) Eleanor Walton.

New Life

I've recently gotten a new "lease" on life. After spending the last 6 months recovering from preeclampsia each day is a gift. I'm still trying to put the pieces of me back together but at one time I didn't think I'd make it out of the hospital alive, so just being here is great for now. Thus the title of my blog, still hanging around. That's what I feel that I do most days, just hang around. There are moments when I glimpse little flashes of what I was like before and days when I wonder when I'll feel capable again so I just take baby steps and when things fall apart I let myself cry.